Secondary Fire

WE'RE MOVING!!

2008-05-25T23:26:00.001-04:00

Hittin' that dusty trail ... come visit us at
http://www.secondary-fire.com

EA Sports' Face Breaker Early Impressions

2008-05-24T02:50:00.003-04:00

Ahh, boxing. The gentleman's sport. The rhythm of the combo. The finesse of the dodge. The crunch of cartilage as a sixteen pound glove connects to the jaw bone.

EA Sports is taking Face Breaker, their latest boxing title, in a trendy new direction. Likely inspired by the art direction in Team Fortress 2, Face Breaker is a departure from EA Sports' generally photo-realistic games.

Not much has been revealed about Face Breaker, aside from the fact that the game's title is an apt description of what to expect in terms of gameplay. EA has employed what is commonly being called "sandbag technology" in the facial deformation model of this game, which means you will undoubtedly break faces.

It's true that Fight Night Round 3 already had progressive facial damage, where your boxer's facial features would swell or gash or bleed, depending on how each feature was hit. Face Breaker's Incredible's-style art direction basically exaggerates this damage. Boxers heads will spin 180 when hit dead on with a haymaker. A sharp uppercut to the ribs could potentially lift a character off his feet. And the premise that we get essentially tenderize a walking bag of meat is always appealing.

For more info, and to meet the cast of zany stereotypes, see the official site.

Bioshock on the PS3!

2008-05-22T11:54:00.006-04:00

A story in the July edition of EGM has confirmed that Bioshock will be making its wet, slippery way to Sony's console in time for the holiday season. The EGM story includes an interview with the games new creative director Jordan Thomas about some new features, possible re-vamped graphics and additional tantalizing exclusives that might find themselves onto Sony's Blu-Ray chewing obelisk of death.

Guitar Hero: World Tour First Look

2008-05-22T10:45:00.006-04:00

The first trailer to feature the next iteration of the Guitar Hero series has hit the web showing off a whole new bag of tricks (kind of).

Lets just run down the short list of whats new to the franchise in this new version of the game:

Drums
Vocals
Ability to record and release your own singles
Battle of the Bands mode

I have to admit, the drums do look pretty cool, and maybe, dare I say, a little stronger than its Rock Band (henceforth referred to as RB) counter part. They have a more realistic setup than RB, the most prominent feature being the raised symbols and bass drum replica at the drummer's feet.

The vocals weren't showcased in any special way so I assume they will resemble RB pretty closely.

The big tamale is going to be the ability to record and release your own singles. From the trailer we don't get any indication as to how it will work in game, but suffice it to say, there are probably a lot of people out there just itching to get their scratchy, high pitched, off key voices out onto the intenets for all to hear.

Battle of the Bands mode will allow eight players to square off against each other online.

To be honest, this trailer kinda sucked in my opinion, although it did its job by giving the public a taste of whats to come and whetting our appetites for seeing just what the chefs at Red Octane have been cooking up over the last few months.

p.s. You can check out a pretty cool 3D render of the drum kit at the Official Guitar Hero Website, looks pretty ballin.

C&C Red Alert 3 Debut Trailer

2008-05-21T05:06:00.009-04:00

I think there are still a few people out there that get a tingle up their spine at the mention of Tesla tanks and mind controlled squid, and for you proud masses EA has released the debut trailer for Command and Conquer Red Alert 3.

We get a glimpse of a few pretty new water effects and an ass load of new and crazy units, mostly showing off the Soviets putting the smack down on the Allies with something resembling a Spider Tank, Helicopters and I might be mistaken but I think I saw some Bears clad in the crimson of the Union.

Anyways, check out the footage and prepare yourselves for battle comrades!

Gears of War 2 Early Game Footage

2008-05-20T23:10:00.008-04:00

Ambient occlusion? Improved water effects? Higher polygon count? Chainsaw Duels? Yes, please. Go ahead, full screen it. It's okay.

Sweet Ass Physics (Destruction) Simulator

2008-05-20T04:03:00.003-04:00

TSNStudio’s Extreme Loading® is an engineered simulation technology originally designed for structural analysis, which has immediate applications for both filmmakers and VFX animators.

New Left 4 Dead Interview at IGN

2008-05-19T19:50:00.009-04:00

Interview Link

One of Valve's head honchos Doug Lombardi recently did an interview with IGN PC over their upcoming zombie game Left 4 Dead. Accompanied with the interview were a few new in-game clips of the game in action from the survivor point of view (the human controlled zombie interface is still kept under wraps for the time being).

Well without further ado here are the interesting tidbits from the interview:

They are currently in the final stages of polish and tuning

There is going to be online co-op with human players being able to jump into in-progress matches taking on the role of one of the survivors

The two main modes in the game include a single player campaign and a multiplayer deathmatch mode

There will be four campaigns that will be spread out over 5 maps, most likely very large in scope where the player(s) will have to make their way from checkpoint to checkpoint to get to safety

Two of the campaigns will focus on a hospital and farm locations with the last two being kept under wraps most likely until the game ships

The missions will alternate between indoor and outdoor areas attempting to simulate the classic horror movie, zombie feeling from movies such as Dawn of the Dead and 28 Days Later

From the gameplay footage that IGN has posted, we can see that the designers are going for a fast paced and frantic style with large groups of fast moving zombies attacking the survivors at key points during the missions. This is not your typical survival horror game where you're encouraged to conserve ammo or tread quietly to avoid being spotted. You are going to have to mow down hordes of zombies with extreme prejudice…and bullets, in fact more bullets than prejudice cause prejudice wont blow the back of a zombie's skull away but the buckshot from your shotgun just might.

We can also see from the footage the strong emphasis on team gameplay mechanics. The smoker can rip a survivor away from the protection of the rest of the team with his lasso-like tongue and melee them to death. The survivor's teammates have to melee the smoker to free their trapped chum putting emphasis on watching each others backs.

The game is looking great even at this still unfinished point with textures, animation and lighting systems firing on all cylinders. Some framerate issues that stood out in previous demos of the game seem to have also been resolved. Of course using the Source engine is a huge help in this department as it gives them a very stable and robust foundation to build upon.

The game is scheduled for a November release on the PC and XBOX 360 platforms.

Fanboys need to chill....I'm just sayin

2008-05-16T08:02:00.005-04:00

They roam the internet trolling for details and obscure facts that they can use in their vendettas against their foes. They are easily agitated and prone to fits of uncontrollable tantrums when confronted with opposing viewpoints. They give a black eye to the very thing that they think they promote and the sad thing is that they have no idea that they do it. I’m talking of course about Fanboys.

For those that are unfamiliar with the term, let me give you a crash course:

Fanboys are staunch believers in their game platform or company of choice (i.e. Sony, Microsoft, Nintendo etc)
Fanboys generally limit their human interaction to internet forums where they can say and pretend to do things that they don’t have the balls to do in real lifeTo call a Fanboy closed minded is like calling Bill O’Reilly just a jerk.
They have intimate knowledge of the moms of everyone on the internet, which they get from their secret “Whose Mom Sucks Dick Database"
I would imagine talking to a Fanboy in real life would be impossible due to the degree to which they have their heads lodged up their own inflamed anuses
Most Fanboys (and players on XBOX Live) are 12 year old twits who have nothing better to do than call you a fag and make your gaming life a little less fun every time you come into contact with them

Fanboys take what is meant to be special and unique about a brand or system and twist and contort it. Their ‘my way or the highway’ approach doesn’t leave any room for debate and they seem to revel in the conflict they insight.

We’ve all seen the flame wars that ignite on forums because one douche decides to say that PS3 sucks and like douche to a bag all the other douches come out of the woodwork to put in their two cents on the matter. To those douches out there I pose this question: What’s the freakin point? The very nature of the messages and posts that litter these flaming forums are not going to convince anyone to agree with your point of view, they only serve to more firmly divide those involved.

I only own an XBOX 360, but if I had wads of cash exploding out of my pockets and loads more time I would pick up both a PS3 and a Wii because, and I think I speak for the majority of us out there when I say this: I enjoy playing games. Video games, board games, sports, whatever, I get a kick out of challenging myself.

I know people that exclusively own a PS3, which they also love because lets face it, the PS3 is a pretty wicked piece of tech, Blu Ray drive, free online, um…. uhhhhh…..there’s a few more I’m sure but cut me some slack here I don’t have one myself.

Both the XBOX and the PS3 have exclusive titles that make them serious contenders for your money and appropriate adoration, but the majority of games that come out these days are multi platform anyway, which is another reason why Fanboys need to chill out.

“But Amrit”, you say, “GTA looks way better on my 360 than on PS3.”

To you I say: Cram it up your cram hole! For crying out loud, how much different does the game really look? Maybe there are some load time differences or glitches here and there but tell me, is the core experience any different? Is there a fundamental difference in the way you play the game that makes it so much better on one system over the other? I doubt it. Game designers go through a lot of trouble to make multi-platform games as seamless as possible so please go nit pick someone else’s favourite pass time.

Look, the Fanboys out there need to take a breath and chillax their way to tranquility. It’s a big world out there, and there's more than enough room out there for us to coexist. So let me leave you with some words of advice my father gave to me:

Stay in school and don’t be a douche.

If there are any Fanboys reading this post, please feel free to leave your comments and let me know what you think. I am always up for a lively discussion and look forward to reading the community’s feedback.

GTA IV

2008-05-03T04:46:00.000-04:00

Too busy playing.

The Gold Rush is Coming!

2008-04-16T00:59:00.004-04:00

Super Awesome and TOTALLY hip game vid site GameTrailers.com has gotten a first look at the upcoming TF2 game mode/map, Gold Rush. As I've described in a previous post, the major component of this map is the Mine Cart, which must be escorted across the map to various control points. Obviously, one team is guiding the cart while the other frags the cart to a bloody stop.

Try to ignore the GameTrailers music. I tried to post a link to a more 'Team Fortress'-y song, but I got lazy, and figured I had to listen to this shit, you might as well too. It will fuel your contempt for GameTrailers.

Machinima is Awesome

2008-04-13T12:13:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the lack of new posts ... I've been playing more than writing, and I've been perusing the internet for machinima. So far, nothing has impressed me as much as Lit Fuse:

http://litfusefilms.com/movies/

5 Things That Would Have Made Vegas 2 Better

2008-03-28T00:34:00.006-04:00

Being a lover of the old school Red Storm Rainbow 6 games (the Original, Rogue Spear + expansion packs), I'm not a big fan of the Vegas series. While I do appreciate Ubisoft's implemented cover system and the option to pimp your soldier, the series is still missing that ... je ne ce quoi ... No wait, come to think of it, I know EXACTLY what this game is missing.

1. Missions that DON'T require killing.
Ever since Ubisoft received the key to the Clancy-verse, there's been an obvious divide between the franchises. It goes exactly like this: Big Guns and Explosions - Ghost Recon; Small Guns and Rifles - Rainbow 6; Stealth Kills and Non-Detection - Splinter Cell.

Rainbow 6 needs maps where killing isn't key, and detection equals failure. Some of the best moments I've had in Rainbow 6 were missions that required stealth. Sneaking up to the shed in the back of the estate so I could cut the security system, creeping into the chalet to plant a bug in the crime boss' room, downloading data from the corrupt business office; All while avoiding detection. The near misses and narrowly averted aborted missions get my heart pounding as much as any Las Vegas street shootout. If I wanted to run and gun my way through a casino, I'd play GTA.

2. AI Teammates should not be necessary in co-op missions.
If I'm playing the co-operative with 2 of my buddies, why do I still need the AI teammates? Because I need someone to get in the way of my shot? Because someone needs to block the door? Because someone needs to get stuck atop the rafters, rendering my entire team unable to disarm the bomb in the theatre?

Why Ubisoft decided to lose the option of carrying a utility pack is beyond me. Allowing each teammate to outfit themselves with a bomb kit, or an electronics kit, or extra ammo allows them to disarm the chemical weapon, or cut the lights or security system, or share munitions with teammates, respectively, making each member indispensable to the rest of the team, and customizing the gameplay experience as the player sees fit.

3. Hire better writers.
Worst. Story. And. Script. Ever. How much are these clowns being paid? I'll do it for free!

4. Interactive environments and physics.
This goes hand in hand with #2, where fuse boxes should be manipulable to turn the lights and alarms on or off where allowable (yes, I'm aware of the mission where you must turn the alarm off. No, it doesn't count because its just a way point and doesn't really have much bearing on gameplay.).

Imagine having the option of turning the lights on and off and using night vision. Imagine Disabling security systems so you could sneak into a heavily guarded facility. This would at least add some dimension to the level design, and players would really feel like they're choosing their method of engagement.

5. A heartbeat sensor or radar or some form of intelligence.
How come I'm unaware of my teammate's whereabouts unless I can directly see him, or use the momentary, sometimes unusable thermal scan? I don't expect to be able to see all enemies at all times, but a key element of Rainbow 6 is teamwork and coordination, and how am I supposed to coordinate tactically with my teammate if I don't even know where he is? I found this frustrating when I lost a teammate and had him try to describe that he was outside by the white can, not the first white van, but the one to the left of the right door, where the barricade is.

Rainbow 6 Vegas 2 is not a bad or even mediocre game by any means. In my opinion, it's a very good game. But I wonder why they even bother to call this game Rainbow 6 if the only thing they're going to keep is the theme song. What the Vegas series has done is made the franchise more accessible to players who never played the originals on PC - but there are unique Rainbow 6 elements that are M.I.A. in this series, and the fact that the sequel is based in Vegas once again, shows that this series is moving more toward SWAT-style gameplay. Ding Chavez is rolling over in his grave.

Army of Two - The Verdict

2008-03-18T00:00:00.007-04:00

So I'm not an expert about anything ... but I knows what I like. And after playing a handful of Army of Two single player campaign, a few rounds of 2-man adversarial, and giving countless daps and fist pounds to my main man, I think I can accurately review Army of Two.

In a single line, Ao2 is Gears of War on a diet. The single player is absolute shit, and shouldn't be played by anyone who has a friend, so I'm going to give you my thoughts on the coop campaign, and adversarial modes.

In the vein of Marcus Fenix and affirmative action ethnic sidekick Dominic Santiago, each player chooses to be one of two hyper-masculine, roided up gym gorillas. In this case, either a bald badass with a face-full of scars, Tyson Rios; or a buff long haired pretty boy with baseball cap accessory, Elliot Salem. Not exactly Pulitzer material, but I digress.

The mechanics of the game are very simple. One man applies covering fire, garnering all of the enemies' attention (WOW players, you're more than familiar with the term "aggro"), which causes the other player to become stealthed (read: ignored by enemy AI). This allows the stealthed player to advance, where he will do one of two things, take out any nearby soldiers, or begin blind-firing to take the attention off the aggro'd player, so that he might advance. Either way, each player takes turns to build and release aggro. While this mechanic sounds pretty simple, I still found the game to be pretty tough in certain parts of each level. Cover rarely provides safety on more than one facet, and ammo can be scarce if you're playing like Rambo (I honestly couldn't imagine playing this game any other way).

There are a few joint techniques that require the cooperation of both players, like step jumping, where one player boosts the other to ledges higher than normally accessible; shielding, where a player uses an object like a car door or riot shield to block for his partner, who latches on behind the shield carrier, and only concentrates on aiming and firing as his teammate guides him about enemy fire; and dragging and healing a fallen comrade, a mechanic that forces both players to be cognisant of each others' whereabouts, staying within range, and knowing the terrain well enough to pull his partner to cover while the downed soldier in turn cover-fires for his rescuer.

While the last listed tactic is applicable at any given moment throughout the game, a majority of the game's coop techniques are forced. There are control panels that require step jumping to access, large mazes of shipping crates that should only be maneuvered while carrying a riot shield, you'll know when to coordinate a simultaneous snipe because the voice in your ear "recommends" you do so. In short - you only use these techniques when the game says so. There's very little room for improvisation, and you can tell that the levels were designed with specific actions in mind.

That being said, its not so bad if you can accept that. The missions are quite challenging, even on their contractor (read: medium) difficulty setting, and really does require a good teammate to cover you back. The reward is hearing the coveting gong, signaling that all enemies in immediate vicinity have been taken down, and its time to heave a sigh of relief, give your buddy a well-deserved fist pound, reload, and head over to the next shooting range. There are some rewarding cooperative vehicle missions, where one player will drive an armored vehicle, and the other mans the roof mounted turret, but this is typical.

All the above applies for online adversarial, but instead of a linear level that moves forward, each map is a large box where the objectives vary throughout the map, and switch when a team has achieved their goal. Weapon crates are scattered through the maps, allowing characters to buy predefined load-outs once they've earned some money through the objectives in the map. Aggro still applies, and your stealthed partner will become translucent to the enemy if you are holding it down properly.

When first announced, Army of Two gave promise to innovate and redefine cooperative play. Instead, what we got was a remixed makeover of one of the hottest titles of last year. I'll give them a fist pound for their effort, but they still get a headbutt for making the game so mundanely linear.

7/10

Play this game if: you greet your buddies with a sack to the balls.

What's Good?!

Upgrading weapons = kid in a candy shop, or ... Osama in a ... gun ... store.
Some coop mechanics are actually kinda fun.
Fist Pounding Dawg!

What's Bad?!

Levels are essentially a straight line.
Deformable environments would have made this an 8/10.
Not enough freedom in coop tactics.
Can't skip cut scenes, no matter how often you've seen them.

What the @$#%?!

Why is there even a single player mode?
Why do they need an Army of Two when Philip Clyde is obviously an Army of One?

Army of Two Second Impressions

2008-03-11T17:44:00.002-04:00

I had the opportunity to try Army of 2 cooperatively with a friend last night. I must say, its not bad. All the mundane and routine mechanics of the game become twice as fun when a human being is put behind the controls of your partner, instead of an obedient drone. Suddenly, back to back is an intense slow-mo shoot out, shielding for your partner becomes crucial, and dragging and healing your fallen ally is a nail-bitingly intense endeavour.

We only had the opportunity to finish the first mission - but we were able to upgrade and outfit our firearms before we finished, which makes me excited to go back for more.
So far, I wouldn't recommend the game to anyone with no friends (this is something I told my boss, as he was interested in the game). I'm certainly curious to see how the versus works ... I'm also working on getting a capture card for my system so I can start editing screencaps and such :\ but more on all this later ...

Army of Two First Impressions

2008-03-10T20:28:00.002-04:00

I just got a copy of Army of Two for the 360, a game that, when first announced, showed immense co-operative potential. At first, I was really excited to try this game. The focus on co-operative blow-shit-up-manship grabbed immediately, as good co-op is so hard to find. But as release time drew nearer, I became doubtful of the game's potential.

I imagined that the plethora of innovative 2-man techniques and strategies first showcased would end up being linear level solvers (ie. step boost your partner to get up here, both soldiers must push the crate to access the opening there).

And that's how I called it. When people asked me if I was excited for Army of Two - I went from ecstatic to indifferent, because I could almost foresee how this creative 2 player rambo romp had the potential to go cold on us before the headband hit the mullet.

So far, I'm right - but I've only played the intro level on single player. I will definitely try it with a buddy or two (you gotta find the right rambo buddy), and make another report from there. For now, I'm sticking to Zelda: Phantom Hourglass on my DS for the good gaming.

I miss working at EB ...

2008-02-28T20:02:00.009-05:00

I went back to visit the old platoon at EB Games tonight after work. We went for a 45-minute managers' break. It's been almost a year since I had quit the company (for the 3rd fucking time) and moved back to the shitty corporate working environment that drove me to EB in the first place. In some ways - I've come very far ... and at the same time, haven't budged an inch (ahh, zen :\)

Anyways, we grabbed our respective meals and picked a table in the food court. We started talking about standard catch up stuff - how Dave's van got T-boned, new hires at the store, etc. Then we got to the story of how a certain female, infatuated or horny for Jay, told him she'd been given the Candy Cane Swirl (or Strawberry Shortcake. Look either up, I'm sure both will give you an apt description.), and how Jay was contemplating of building up high sexual expectations with her, going to her bedroom, preparing her for a night of unforgettable passion, only to stretch his ballskin over her face for a moment, and walk out the door. The conversation had us holding our sides in the food court aisles, I think iced tea went up Dave's nose, and for the first time in a long long while, I laughed.

I laugh and chuckle at work now. But I realized - it's all phoney. It's shitty work laughter that only exists in the corporate workplace, because everyone who works a white collar job thinks they have to be reserved to appear responsible, to get that next promotion or raise.

At EB, I didn't mind the long hours. I didn't mind working a Saturday or Sunday. I enjoyed staying late with Jay to clean up the store, play a few rounds of GH2 (he introduced me to the game), and crack jokes until our faces turned red from lack of oxygen.

It was the only work environment where a new applicant would submit a resume, and my manager would read their resume on the spot, "Hmm ... that looks good, you've got experience there ............. can you dance?"
"Umm... what?" They'd reply.
"Can you dance? You're probably going to be replacing Jon - but he can dance. Yo check it out." and I'd bust out a very poor pop'n'lock into a robot that required oiling. Dave would crack up. I got be stupid at work. The applicant was confused as fuck.

Likewise, I miss situations like the time a customer repeatedly call me 'boy'. In my mind I was a grown man working at a video game store, in his mind, there would be no way in hell a real 'man' would be serving his sorry ass at EB Games. I said "Boy? who are you calling boy? I'm a man!" he ignored me, and headed toward the exit. Feeling the need to settle the score, I shouted the first thing came to my mind in desperation, "I had sex with your wife!" He may not have heard me, but Jay did, and all that mattered was that I tried.

My last season at EB was the real clerks experience. It didn't need to be filmed, written, or rehearsed. I loved working with like-minded people, who can laugh at anything, including themselves, because they know what real joy and happiness are. I really miss them. I miss concurring with Amrit that Alderaan is spelled with 2 A's. I miss the Simpsons and Family Guy and South Park and Venture Bros. quotes. I miss screwing with jackass customers. I miss telling sexy female customers to come to my house to play with my wii. At that time, we knew that EB Games Erin Mills was the greatest store in any city, province, or country. And customers agreed.

I still see Amrit, Jay, and Dave once in a while, but its not nearly enough. And working in an office full of stiffs doesn't even light a match, let alone hold a candle to working with those guys. There are some nice people, we exchange pleasantries, but I can't tell those guys that I'll be back in 15 minutes cause I have to crack a wicked dump, or conversely, that I've been holding my crap until close.

If you currently work a job where the highlight of your day is seeing the people you work with, make the effort to appreciate it. Enjoy the time you have with them, because at some point, you will look back and realize that there really isn't much to lose or gain in life, your friends are all you really have.

Shout outs to EB Games #838.

Blu Ray Wins, Consumers Lose

2008-02-19T18:17:00.005-05:00

It's official - the Hi Def Format War is over. I'm relieved and disgusted. I'm relieved that I won't have to overhear the technically-ignorant debate incessantly over which will be the next great platform. I'm disgusted and disappointed that Blu Ray, the expensive and user-unfriendly shit format, is the victor. Goliath trumps David, and shits on his corpse.

Why am I so angry about this seemingly trivial competition? Because the folks who were planning to buy a hi-def video setup waited for a clear "winner" of the format wars. They never once considered that their purchase might sway the outcome, and an incompetent media giant would not hold the rights to the high definition physical media. The difference to be seen and heard between Blu Ray and HD-DVD is probably lost on those waiting for a solitary format in the first place.

For its inexpensive production costs, HD-DVD had comparable visual and audio quality, along with forward-thinking functionality. While watching an HD-DVD, I can browse the contents of the disc, navigate to chapters, special features, audio and subtitle settings, and so on, without interrupting video playback - the menu is overlaid over the current video. Everything is done seamlessly and from what I've seen, the disc producer can program/design their own overlaid menu setup. Meanwhile, the uninspired Blu Ray interface is comparable to that of standard DVD. Any navigation/setup/interactivity returns the user to the menu screen, bringing the video to a halt, and ultimately interrupting the new age hi-def "experience".

To add to the insult, now that Blu Ray is the de facto disc of choice, Sony's promised to deliver the same HD-DVD functionality that I've just described ... except you'll most likely need to update your Blu Ray player to actually use this feature. Doesn't sound so bad ... until you realize that many first generation Blu Ray players are designed without a network port - in other words, the ability to upgrade the system's firmware. So what does that leave you with? A bunch of people who have purchased Blu Ray players that will probably have to buy new units anyway - even though they bought they supported the brand from the get-go.

This whole hi def war reminds me of the last two American presidential elections, the general public can do nothing more than accept the incompetence that has staked its claim for the oncoming years. Ironically, it looks like HD-DVD will join the ranks of Sony's Mini Disc and Betamax, the two Sony formats that should have been adopted, instead of the derivative and pedestrian Blu Ray.

I hope you're all happy :\

Most WTF Game of 2008: Charles Barkley - Shut up and Jam: Gaiden

2008-02-13T01:02:00.003-05:00

It is the year 2053. Earth is nothing more than a desolate wasteland, left in ruin after the B-Ball Purge. The world's basketball stars are no more, brutally murdered in a violent massacre when the sport was pronounced outlawed. Out of the dust rises Charles Barkley; the man responsible for all of this; the man responsible ... for the Chaos Dunk.

Shattering backboards, windshields, and spines, this killer dunk destroyed what was once Neo New York, wiping out millions, and causing over 1.5 billion dollars in damages. As the cause of this horrific event, you assume the role of Charles Barkley, and must dunk for your life in this epic role-playing game.

I repeat. YOU MUST DUNK FOR YOUR LIFE IN THIS EPIC ROLE-PLAYING GAME.

Charles Barkley - Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden is one of those games that makes you go "WTF?" From what I can tell, it's a homebrew game, styled after classic console RPGs like Final Fantasy and Chrono Trigger. In fact, the only way to really describe the game is "a mash-up between Space Jam and Final Fantasy". You take Sir Charles and his party, and level him up, improving his attacks (bball moves), magic (bball moves), and more (...... bball moves). He's joined by such characters as Balthios James (Lebron's great great grandson ... or something), and Michael Jordan - a turncoat bball bounty hunter.

Honestly - if you're not interested in this game by now, you should probably stop reading this post immediately. If you're curious, and why the hell shouldn't you be, its a free download away and you can find a link to the file here:

SHUT UP AND JAM

Can't wait for the Goldrush

2008-02-06T21:45:00.000-05:00

There will be at least one new map type included in the upcoming TF2 update. Goldrush will feature a track-based mining cart that must be escorted from the BLU base to the RED base. The cart will pass through a series of checkpoints, and will only move when there is a BLU player near it. Like CP game types, the cart will move faster as more teammates join up with the cart, creating one big ball of potential gibs for the defending RED team, who will be able to stop the cart by move near.

Sounds like a lot of frags and splattered limbs to me. I can't wait.

jonchan 2, mother nature 0

2008-02-04T23:58:00.000-05:00

So we did it again. We returned to face Mother Nature, on her home court, doubling ours numbers, and coming out on top (of layers and layers of snow). In addition to Cindy and myself, Wincy and Devon (Cindy's sister and accompanying boyfriend) backed us up with tons of trunk space and firewood.

For those of you who live in the GTA, you'll know that we experienced record snowfall this past weekend - dumping 2 feet of powder on the populous of Southern Ontario. And while the city folk were grumbling shoveling their driveways and swerving all over the roads, we were building fires and sipping hot chocolate, while surrounded by this:

A lot of people thought we were crazy for camping after a storm like that, but even we were surprised at how many people had crawled out of the woodwork to go cross-country skiing, snowshoeing, camping, rv-ing, and just going for scenic walks. But it's understandable; when you have great company and a roaring fire going, being outdoors is very refreshing. We had some trouble at first - the wood that we brought was freshly cut and covered in sap, making it a very hard and slow burn. Even after we got the fire going, it would eventually smoke out from the moisture in the wood itself. Even the ultimate fireplace (see Devon, left) eventually smoked out, and forced us to buy some dry firewood from the park to really get it going.

After only a couple hours of dusk, we decided to call it a night and get ready for bed. There was a real difference between the sleek, streamlined sleeping setup that Cindy and I had versus the improvised, but highly superior, configuration Devon and Wincy burrowed into. If you've read jonchan 1, mother nature 0, then you remember that Cindy and I look like the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland. That's nothing compared to the big blue mountain that is Wincy and Devon's bed of blankets (6 blankets and a 5 lb. sleeping bag, if I remember correctly).

Cindy tries to stay warm the best way she knows how

They'll come out when its spring.

In the morning, we packed up our stuff and snowshoe'd for only a short while, since we were due at Devon's nan's for dinner. Snowshoeing allowed us to view vistas otherwise inaccessible through all the snow; and while there was already a trail defined, we decided to deviate slightly, to get to the unspoiled scenery. The payoff was nothing but snow covered bliss. I think we actually ended up playing more than hiking, but whatever.

I used to hate it when people called us crazy for doing this, but now I feel bad for them. You gotta be crazy if you can't appreciate hiking, falling, and rolling around in this stuff.

Craziest Physics of 2008: Star Wars: The Force Unleashed

2008-01-29T23:40:00.000-05:00

If you're familiar with previous Star Wars shooters like Jedi Knight II and Jedi Outcast, then it won't take much to convince you that this game could potentially rock you to a galaxy far far away. If you haven't played these aforementioned games, sit a spell, and let me tell you ... about the force.

Unfortunately, there are very few in-game screen shots available to lowly non-press type folk, and I refuse to use anything with a watermark (unless you've noticed that I have, in which case, I'm sorry). This actually works out better, seeing that The Force Unleashed can only be done justice by moving picture.

While I have very few details on the story itself, I do believe it's mentioned that you are the apprentice of Darth Vader. Well that's all I need to hear. On to physics. Watch the video below:

So uhh ... yeah ... sorry about the shitty quality of the post, but with such self-explanatory video content, it'd be redundant of me to summarize everything you just watched. If you didn't watch the video, you really should, but here's a summary anyway: There are three intertwining "physics" engines in the game. Havok, Euphoria, and DMM. Havok is responsible for the force and movement of complete objects, such as falling crates, bodies, and trees. Then there's Euphoria, a reaction generator which allows 'sentient' characters to arbitrarily react to game events or actions. This could be ducking or dodging objects being thrown at them, or grabbing for dear life as you lift them with the Force. If you throw that person into a plate glass window, you'll see the DMM engine at work, which assigns all objects material properties, so a plate glass window will shatter, a wooden plank will splinter, and soft metals might bend accordingly.

What would make this game complete: the addition of acrobatic flips and dodges, like the movement system introduced in Jedi Outcast; an array of light-weapons, like Darth Maul's double-sided saber, and some open sandbox locations to truly show off the game's amazing physics engines.

To learn more about the Force, go to Dagobah, if you can't get to Dagobah, then go here:
http://www.lucasarts.com/games/theforceunleashed/

Most Promising Sandbox: Little Big Planet

2008-01-24T00:38:00.000-05:00

If you're only expecting PS3 to be limited to mechanized weapons of mass destruction, gunslinging demon hunters, and very realistic driving games, you might find yourself surprisingly intrigued by Little Big Planet, a digital arts and crafts playground developed by Media Molecule exclusively for the PS3.

In short, the game is a 4-player cooperative platformer. The big twist? You're creating the platforms. Actually, 'platform' is a generalization. With an abundance of cut and paste shape tools, you can create virtually whatever your little big imagination can conceive. Build a pirate ship, and add wheels to it. Roll it down a hill to gain momentum. Build a mountain made of oranges, and climb over it to avoid obstacles. The possibilities seem endless.

The premise appears to be very simple. Traverse the levels using props and items that are native to each locale, such as skateboards, building blocks, or malleable bags of sand. Don't have what you need? Build it using the game's object creator; spawn shapes an objects, and tie them all together using virtual glue and hinges. Use creativity, teamwork, and good ol' physics to make it to the end of the map.

Create a pincushion avatar, and customize him or her with a variety of costumes, hair, and items (I hate to use the word 'accessory'). To the regular Sony fanboy, this game might seem too childish to even worth noting. But I have a sneaking suspicion that this game will be sitting next to the likes of Metal Gear 4, Killzone 2, and the rest of the heavy hitters of 2008.

See it all in motion:

The official site is still under construction (how ironic and appropriate), but you can read more about the game at MedaMolecule's website: http://www.mediamolecule.com/games.html

jonchan 1, mother nature 0

2008-01-14T00:27:00.000-05:00

So I decided to take a break from all the gaming this weekend (aside from Mario Party DS), and go winter camping up in Ontario's Algonquin Park - probably one of the most bad-ass provincial parks in all the land.

It was both Cindy's and my first winter camping trip, so we brought a few luxuries, like a heater for our tent, a gas-stove, and gas-lamp ... you know, to soften the blow of sleeping in -10 Celsius.

If you're normally a Summer camper (which most campers are), the rules are flipped on their head. There are no bugs, less light, it's freezing cold (literally freezing, our orange juice turned to slush), everything is damp, encased in ice, and the sight of tracks in the snow leave you absolutely paranoid that a wolf is going to eat you.

After about 30 minutes and many matches, Cindy decided to give up on starting the fire, and get to cooking up some instant noodles. 45 minutes and many more matches after that, I gave in and used a quarter of a firestick (solid firestarter) to start my fire ... In drier, warmer conditions, I would have (a) not used any starter, and (b) had the fire going much sooner.

So we had our shelter, food, and heat going ... but nowhere to sit, aside from the ground. I've often wondered how Finnish Ice Hotels were remotely viable. Thought I didn't quite build an Ice Hotel, but I did manage to carve us a romantic ice-couch for two.

They look flimsy, but they're rock solid - I was able to lean back with all my weight, and not have the seats budge an inch. Yes - the ice was that hard. Yes - it was that cold.

Before entering the tent, we'd turn on the catalytic heater for a good 20-30 minutes, preheating the inner dome to balmy spring temperatures. We'd go in periodically to relieve ourselves from the cold - taking off our gear, curling up in our sleeping bags, and playing some DS. Mario Party DS is a great game ... but why the hell do I have to unlock all the minigames in order to play? (Sorry, I had to include just a LITTLE bit of gaming in this post)

When it came down to sleeping, however, it was a whole other story. We didn't want the heater running throughout the night, since that would waste a lot of propane, and risk setting our tent (along with us) on fire. The only thing we had were these life-saving -20 degree sleeping bags from the MEC, which make you look like the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland.

We coined this state of being, 'bundily,' as in "Hey look at me, I'm all bundily." or "If you're so cold, why don't you get bundily?" Don't ask me why Cindy isn't as bundily as I am in the above pic. Maybe I'm just a pussy.

If you've never tried it, I'd highly recommend winter camping, but its very different, and practically non of your summer-centric gear applies. We first rented a 4-season tent from the MEC, and boiled ice/snow to get our water ... but if you hate bugs, dirty pants, and humidity, then winter camping is ...

AWESOME!!!

Popeye's Chicken, Fashionable Clothes, Music Videos

2008-01-11T03:31:00.001-05:00

The man's got good taste. Tin Lok's been building a library of his favourite music videos ... I've got to agree with most of em ... check em out here:

Tin Lok's Top 16 Music Videos

No News Is ... fucking boring

2008-01-11T03:13:00.000-05:00

It's been a very slow 2008 thus far ... I realize we're only about 11 days in ... but I can only capture the control point, pull star power, bust 720 heelflips, and capture triforce shards so much before I start to crave that new game feeling. You know, that sensation runs through your fingertips, up your arm, then simultaneously down your spine and through your cerebral cortex when you pop in that long awaited RPG or Shooter or RTS?

But I suppose that's what makes a long-awaited game a long-awaited game. I've been waiting for some new downloadable content for rock band, as well as some new maps for TF2. I've also been digging for some potential sleepers of 2008 ... but all I'm finding is that I'm losing faith in the list I currently have.

I'm trying to stay faithful to titles like Alan Wake, Army of Two, and Spore ... but I'm beginning to think the hype machine ran over these titles last year. More on that later ... I've gotta wake up and pack tomorrow ... instead of playing games indoors, I'll be camping in the snow. That'll be a change.

2008's Under-Hyped: Left 4 Dead

2008-01-02T23:29:00.000-05:00

How can I begin describing Left 4 Dead? Well, for starters, it's a survival-horror first person shooter. Nothing special there. It's a cooperative game, where 4 players work together to shoot their way through set levels, killing zombies, called Infected, in order to achieve their goals. Still nothing all too new. Four opposing players will play as the Infected team, using the environment, and control of an armada of undead to make sure the Survivors don't see the light of day. Piquing your interest? Wait till you hear what these brain-eaters can do.

I wouldn't be surprised if you were still a bit confused - the premise behind Left 4 Dead is unusual. So far, it's been implied that the Survivors' goal is many-fold: they will have to ultimately make it through a series of levels or maps, having side-missions to do along the way, such as rescuing helpless and trapped NPCs, maybe obtaining a particular weapon or item, and so forth. The Infected team are allowed to get a little creative, and use their special abilities to stop you by any means possible. That means, split you up, single you out, distract and devour you.

The key to playing on the survivor side is self-explanatory: stick together, cover each other's asses while reloading, share your items and ammo with those in need, and all of you should successfully make your way through the game's run-down cityscapes, disturbed rural towns, and eerie forests. As the Boss Infected on the other side (no pun intended), coordinate attacks in order to counteract all those principles listed above: divide and conquer, take advantage of weak moments, and even find ways to turn the humans against each other. You can do all this with these gruesome powers.

The Boss Infected:

The Boomer: Picture the guy who died from eating nothing but BK and Taco Bell for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Now picture his fat ass back from the grave, with an upset stomach. The boomer is a fat sack of shit (figuratively), who vomits blood on the survivors (literally), causing wave after wave of bloodthirsty zombies to relentlessly draw upon his blood-covered victims.

The Smoker: Think Scorpion from Mortal Kombat. He has a long prehensile tongue, that he uses to ensnare a survivor from distance, choking him while pulling him away from the safety of his (or her) teammates, effectively breaking up the band like Yoko.

The Hunter: An agile free-running zombie, who can easily scale the heights and depths of each level, lurking and lunging at unsuspecting players, pinning them to the ground and ravaging them until survivor teammates work together to get him off.

The Tanker: If the Incredible Hulk were to die, and then ... un-die .... he'd be the Tanker. This mofo has the ability to tear up the asphalt and toss it a la Bruce Banner at survivor players, hurting them, separating them from their teammates, or just wreaking all around havoc.

It all sounds very immature: fat zombies vomiting blood, shotguns and chainsaws mutilating zombies into a pulpy mess. But if designed properly, there may be a surprising level of depth to be found here - for both teams. And despite the fact that very few gory details have been revealed about Left 4 Dead, the developer and publisher of this game are more than enough to entice me into preloading my copy. That's right, I said preloading; It's available on Steam, and it's being developed by Turtle Rock and Valve.

Wanna get infected? Check out the Left 4 Dead Official Site

New Year, New Games

2008-01-02T23:19:00.000-05:00

Happy new year, or more appropriately, happy new games! That's right, with the new year comes forth another 12 months of new releases. We're familiar with the the big ones - StarCraft 2, Super Smash Bros. Brawl, Spore... So I won't talk about those... yet.

Think of this as a preface to a list of games you never saw coming. Or maybe, you saw them coming and then forgot about them. Regardless of any of that, I'm going to sporadically drop knowledge throughout the month of January, listing off what I consider to be potentially the best games of 2008.

Let's get to it.

Street Fighter IV Gameplay Vid

2007-12-29T03:33:00.000-05:00

Well hot damn.

The Holiday Update

2007-12-28T04:01:00.001-05:00

Happy Holidays!! I suppose not writing anything for a week would be some good initial praise for Rock Band. The game totally rocks - figuratively and literally (ba dum psssh), converting many of my non-gamer friends, who thought Guitar Hero was a complicated and pointless endeavour, into jet-setting rock stars, demanding daily band practice and selling out for riches and blow. Okay maybe not blow.

As for the gaming vets, we've all managed to take time away from our CoD4, TF2, and WoW to get together for the holidays to rock out to Enter Sandman, Black Hold Sun, and Dani California.

Aside from losing my voice (thanks to aforementioned game), I returned the Sharp Aquos that I had purchased earlier this month, and picked up a 37" Sony Bravia on Boxing Day, for $799 (+ Ontario Taxes). I lined up at 12:30 AM for a 6 AM store opening, but met some really cool nerds, and got some sweet deals. Though I had complaints about the Sharp, I've got to say, I miss it. The visual quality completely crushes that of this display. But I did save myself 300 bucks, and got a free year of HD cable TV ... so I guess it was worth it?

I'm looking forward to the Xbox Lan being thrown at Rob Chan's (no relation) place this year. If all goes well, we'll have some multiplayer CoD 4 and TF2, as well as a battle of the bands and (if we feel like dumbing it down), some GH3. I'll post some pics if we can get 2 Rock Bands side by side :D

Enjoy the rest of your holidays - don't drive home drunk on new years, unless you're that special kinda drunk that actually drives better to avoid the cops.

It takes more than one man ...

2007-12-22T04:28:00.001-05:00

Rock Band is NOT a portable game by any means. After setting up the drums in my very cramped quarters, I quickly dismantled it again to bring over to Trill's basement. It was the event of the week - all the guys were home for the holidays, I just got Rock Band, it was all meant to be.

But WHAT a fucking mission it was to disassemble the drum kit, pack up the base, support legs, throw the guitars on my back, and carry the pieces out to the car essentially one by one, or two by two. After tonight, only on rare occasions will the band be practicing elsewhere.

Phenomenal game though.

I guess it was 10 minutes ...

2007-12-21T14:43:00.000-05:00

I received a phone call from my good friend, Cozby, who informed me that all Wal-marts would be recieving a shipment of Rock Band's at 12 PM today. So I took an early lunch and sped my ass to the closest Wal-mart, ran into the electronics section, sent a silent prayer to the powers that be (Harmonix), and asked the kind fellow if they had any Rock Band in stock.

"Oh, which system did you want it for?" **HOPES RISING**
"Xbox 360?" ** RISING **
"Oh no, we sold out for that one - we might get some more after Christmas" **DEFLATION**

This essentially happened three more times, at which point, I found myself at Best Buy. "Yeah, we don't have any right now? but like, there are some in transit," said the young surfer salesrep. "So what does that mean?"
"That means, they're......on their way? so like, they could be in in 10 minutes .......... or they could be in in 10 days...."

I was really tempted to wait it out, but really, I was pressed for time, and had to head back to work (there was still a surprising amount of bullshit that needed my attention). I called Cindy and told her to keep an eye open for me, just in case. I wasn't really hopeful, but every little effort counts. She would later call me and report that there were no Rock Band's at any of the stores she was at.

And then, the last phone call of the day..."Hey I'm at the Heartland Best Buy..." and I'm thinking, You're amazing for putting so much effort into find some silly video game for me, but I already know they don't have it ... I was just there.
"... AND I GOT YOU A ROCK BAAAAAND!!!"

So I guess it was more like 10 minutes ...

THANKS DING DONG!!! YOU'RE MY GUITAR (and microphone, and drum) HERO!!!!

No Avail

2007-12-20T10:34:00.001-05:00

So my problems arose twofold. First - I did not get Rock Band this morning ... in fact, I'm under the impression that it will be delayed til later this week. If not then, then I guess it truly is delayed until the 28th. Which makes absolutely no sense, considering our cousins to the south have been playing all month already.

The second problem is - I've recently been taking advantage and coming in late to work multiple times this week. Maybe it's because I've been staying late to finish off the shitload of work people inconsiderately dump into our work queue. Maybe it's because its the holiday season, and I've been spending many late nights enjoying the company of my friends. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I don't really give a rat's ass. But I got a good talking to from two of my uhh "superiors" this morning, asking me why I was late.

"Well, in all honesty, I wanted to get to the store early this morning to see if I could pick up Rock Band." Doesn't seem like the most acceptable excuse. But its the honest one. I receive this corporate-conscious reply: "[We] need you to start making better decisions about these things."

They obviously don't understand the weight of this Rock Band situation.

Finding Rock Band in Canada

2007-12-20T09:07:00.000-05:00

So EB Games were short shipped based on their preorder numbers, so there will be some unlucky, unhappy campers this coming week.

Because EB is run by what I can only stipulate to be a room full of gimped monkeys who like Catwoman (minus you boys at the Erin Mills store - you guys are fucking awesome), there was no way to discern which sku was the bundled sku at the time of my preorder. So what ended up happening? I put down 20 bucks on the software version of Rock Band. Right. Because that's what EVERY kid wants this year. Fuck.

So now, I'm skipping out on work this morning so that I might randomly find an available Rock Band at another store - I'm trying Zellers this morning, WalMart at lunch. I will let y'all know if I find it. Wish me luck.

This really isn't news to anyone, but...

2007-12-18T22:14:00.000-05:00

An overwhelming number of Xbox Live denizens are uneducated, insecure, ignorant piece of shit who have nothing better to do than spew racist/homophobic/oxymoronic diarrhea out their shithole-seeming mouths.

Its incredible what the power of anonymity will bring out in someone. It seems in every server some 16 year old kid who still gets a ride to the mall in mom's minivan tries to identify with the world by fishing for association by stuttering the words, "oh man, I am so high ... " not getting any response, he'll continue to wiggle the worm, "... like you guys have no idea how fucking stoned I am right now ..."

Yeah, we got it kid, you're experimenting with pot, you're fucking awesome. Wait until you can't get off the floor because you're melting into the carpet and you have a stomach virus. Or when Hurricane Katrina sets up pylons in your family room and sprays water all over your carpet. Or when said Hurricane gets up in the middle of the night, pees on your floor, between the gamecube and Ray Ray's head, and goes to wash his hands after the fucking fact.

The point I'm trying to make is, everyone gets high - you're not special, and its not gonna win you any friends on the internet. What are you gonna do? have a virtual bong session over webcam? congrats - you're a fucking loser.

As for the people who become enraged and all they can do is retort with "OH YEAH, WAIT TILL I COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND KICK YOUR ASS IN REAL LIFE FAGGOT." Settle the fuck down - you're not going to win. And if you're not a winner, what does that make you? That's right, you're ALSO a fucking loser. Don't resort to empty threats over the internet. You're making it doubly lame.

Anyways ... back to CoD 4.

Final answer, Regis.

2007-12-14T16:02:00.000-05:00

This is completely unrelated to gaming, but its been a slow month thus far... and also a slow day at work, so I decided to take an extra long lunch and have pho with my girlfriend, Cindy, and our friend Jamie (Jamie's a girl, the name's quite ambiguous. Also - as a side note, she and I essentially have the same Chinese name, so her name is apparently ambiguous in both languages).

So Cindy's recently gotten a new job, and a new cellphone and number to boot. Over lunch, Jamie and Cindy are comparing cellphones, since they both have similar model Samsung's, and it's good to note that in order to accurately appraise or review someone's cell phone, Jamie dials her boyfriend's number into it. So she goes about it, "4-1-6..." and dials the rest of the digits.

So Kev's number is automatically associated as soon as Jamie thinks of the area code '416.' She puts the phone down and asks Cindy, "What's the first number you dial when press 4-1-6?" Cindy looks up and thinks long and hard (for the record, my number starts with 647, so it's definitely not me.). After a tangible amount of time, she returns from deep thought to our conversation and replies confidently, "Four."

Given Jamie's wording, it's easy to misunderstand, but it doesn't excuse the fact that my girlfriend is such a ding dong. Love you, Cindy! Four!

Time magazine names Halo 3 Game of the Year.

2007-12-12T12:44:00.001-05:00

... yeah, and I'm the President of China. I'm not saying that Time shouldn't be able to select a game of the year for their own publication, but I do find it offensive that they chose Halo 3. Yes, looking back at what I just wrote about Shawn Elliott and VE3D, I should mind my own business and keep my mouth shut - but think of this as what I would tell you over a cup of tea in the living room on a Sunday afternoon. It's just a blog, afterall.

Time picking Halo 3 as GOTY is an insult to any developer who has released a game this year. It's a slap in the face to 2K Boston, Infinity Ward, BioWare, Harmonix, CryTek, Valve, Epic, honestly, the list goes on. Bungie did nothing this year, except throw a last gen game into a between-gen engine. The praise for the game's polish is dulled and marred by the amount of elbow grease put into Call of Duty 4. The applause for Halo's immersion and level design can't even be heard within the confines of Rapture's eerie atmosphere. Adulation for Master Chief's animations feel stiff when compared to the fluid ragdoll physics of Crysis. I could make witty metaphors and similes all day long, but then I'd be boring and repetitive - not unlike Halo 3.

I feel whomever at Time figured that hype essentially equaled quality, and went with the layman's pick. Anyone who watched Michael Bay's Transformers Movie should fully understand that this is not the case, but I suppose there are those who love be spoon fed garbage. I'm sure a number of you out there already hate me because I'm essentially calling Halo 3 a piece of shit in a Snickers bar wrapper, but I'm not an elitist, and I definitely demand more from my games. Its obvious whoever made that rash and illogical decision has not played anything but Halo 3, and if you're going to tell me that Halo 3 is game of the year, then you can go eat a dick :P

And the genre's keep melding!!

2007-12-10T23:44:00.000-05:00

I finally got up the nerve to get on Xbox Live and play Call of Duty 4 multiplayer. I must say, I'm hooked. I haven't felt this way about a game since World of Warcraft, and that speaks mounds to the depth of this ... first person shooter?!?

Call of Duty 4 MP brings back some great gaming moments: The satisfying spatter of blood on the wall when you headshot an unsuspecting enemy (terrorist?) as he camps by the window in Rogue Spear; or the momentary lapse of relief one undergoes as he (or she) slaughters that final creep, achieving that next, but not quite final, level in the World of WarCraft. Call of Duty multiplayer is deceivingly an RPG in FPS clothing.

I find myself constantly wanting to hop into a couple of games to level up my character, I end up lying in bed, and before sleep hits me, I'm dreaming up weapon and perk (special abilities) combinations that suit my play style.

I was very impressed with CoD4's single player campaign. Now I'm convinced that CoD is edging closer and closer to taking GOTY. Work's almost over, and I can't think of a clever way to end this entry... so ... uh .... bang bang.

Late thoughts on the whole Shawn Elliott/Crysis/VE3D Fiasco

2007-12-07T13:56:00.000-05:00

I'm a huge fan of the Ziff-Davis gaming division. I really like the 1up culture in general, but my attention is particularily vested in GFW Magazine, both their publication, and their podcast (big ups to EGM Live and 1UP Yours also). Those guys are nerds who truly love being nerds.

(Somewhat) Recently, editor Shawn Elliott wrote a review of Crysis, speaking highly of the game's achievements in terms of gameplay, immersion, and graphical quality. Crysis was set up to be the most incredible first person shooter to date - and at this point in time, I'd nod to that. Like most (if not all) reviews, a rating was attached to the end of article, grading the game an 8 out of 10.

As soon as Elliott had posted his review on the 1up GFW space, someone at VooDooExtreme had posted a link to parent site IGN's review article with tagline "1UP Gets Sloppy Seconds...Why so low?"

After having his journalistic (or as he'd prefer it, Professional Enthusiastic) integrity questioned, Shawn Elliott defended his position on the GFW weekly podcast, telling the VE3D guys to "eat a dick," and explained himself on the podcast. This pretty much went back and forth, where the VE3D guys were now telling Elliott to grow up, and claimed that they'd stop reading GFW and start reading PC Gamer.

In the grand scheme of things, this kind of shit is idle bickering. But I do see Shawn Elliott's point. The bottom line, at the end of the day, for any reviewer of any publication should be this: As long as it's honest, no review can be wrong. And this is where I think VE3D overstepped their boundary. As journalists (of some degree), the VE3D guys should have minded their own business, and should not have questioned Elliott's score. Contrarily, Shawn Elliott should have left it alone, knowing full-well that someone somewhere was going to debate, if not sling mud at, his review. Though, somehow, this is not even a surprise, coming from IGN (they are a Fox subsidiary, afterall.)

Let's just chalk it up to a slow day in game journalism, and hope this doesn't happen going forward... but I'd be naive to really believe that.

ADT Might Protect My Castle

2007-12-03T18:55:00.001-05:00

I had just gotten comfortable with some Skate, when the phone rang. I had unfortunately received another telemarketing call - this time from ADT Home Security, asking to speak to Mr. Chan. I could try to be all writer-like and narrate the story in articulate prose, but I think a dialogue would best suit the story...

*Phone Rings*

jc: Hello?

Telemarketer1: Good evening Mr. Chan, I am calling on behalf of ADT Home Security. How are you?

jc: fine thanks, and you?

TM1: The reason why I'm calling is to inform you that we are offering a home security system to you for a limited time. Do you currently have a security system installed in your house?

jc: No...

TM1: Well then, sir, can I ask if you live in an apartment or a house?

jc: I live in a castle.

TM1: Yes?

jc: I said I live in a castle. You know, like a fortress? Does your alarm system protect castles?

TM1: You have cattle?

-- At this point, I must interject to explain that this fellow had a brown accent - I know I'm not being politically correct, that's what I call it, he sounded brown, so the fact that he thought I owned cattle was a little too appropriate --

jc: No no, a castle.

TM1: Just a moment sir.

** Telemarketer fails to mute his phone, and I hear him mumbling something that sounds like punjabi or hindi, the word "castle" is peppered throughout the background dialogue. Enter Telemarketer2, whom I assume is the tier-2 rep **

TM2: Hello Mr. Chan?

jc: Yes.

TM2: You live in a catfield?

jc: A castle, a castle. Its a very large building, you know, made of stone, there are towers.

TM2: Is this a hotel or something?

jc: No, its a castle.

TM2: Do you pay rent? Are you the homeowner?

jc: No, I own the land.

TM2: Do you own the castle?

jc: I own the land on which the castle is situated.

TM2: Is this a condo?

jc: Its a castle - there's a bridge that leads to the front, it goes over a moat that surrounds it, you know? a castle.

TM2: Sir, I will have to ask my manager if we can cover your castle, I will ask him and call you in half an hour.

jc: alright, I really hope you can protect my castle.

They called back. TWO MORE TIMES. I spoke with the area manager, who offered to come to my home to quote the installation. I told him that I had no electricity due to the moat surrounding my castle, and inquired as to whether the security system would run on a car battery. He said sadly no, and that he would contact me if the system could be installed in the future.

It costs a lot of money to get into Gamer Heaven

2007-12-03T18:05:00.001-05:00

Fuck the rat, this year has been the year of the impulse purchase. In the 2nd half of this year alone, I've managed to horde the following items:

1 x MX Revolution Mouse ($100 CDN - yes, I paid a hundred dollars for a mouse - I know, you don't have to tell me.)
1 x Xbox Elite ($550 CDN - This may not seem like a lot, since a lot of people own a 360 - this is the subsitute system I bought so that I could play BioShock on launch :\)
1 x Ultimate Gaming Rig (For the uninitiated, this is a computer capable of time travel - Approximate Value $2000 CDN)
1 x 37" Sharp Aquos LCD TV ($1350 CDN)

Sooo yeah, I blew a lot of fucking money on a stockpile of material goods that I can't take with me when I die. But you know what? I'm in gamer heaven. But this isn't the point of my story. What I wanted to write about were some complaints I had with my new TV. But I think I'll save that for another entry. A moth just flew out of my wallet - I've gotta go kill it.

Game Theory

2007-12-03T01:21:00.000-05:00

One of my friends is a casual TF2 player - actually, I'd say 'casual' is hardly the right term for him. I think his TF2 habits are similar to that of a woman's menstrual cycle. I recently sat down to a conversation with him and another friend the other day. For simplicity's sake - let's call the menstrual friend Cozby, and the other friend Trill. Trill and I play TF2 religiously; If I'm not on the server, he is, and vice-versa. As a result, we share our experiences and try to identify the trends of this ever-evolving game.

It was in this conversation that I realized TF2 has come a long way since its October 10th launch. Granted, the pre-order beta was running long before the official launch, but it really took a month or so into the game's release for players to become fully familiar with every class, and it's only now that we see a wider deviation between novice and veteran players.

Cozby had hopped on the bandwagon after playing the beta for a mere 15 minutes, and played frequently, although sporatically, in the first week of TF2's launch. However, school, a social life, liquor, drugs, and (likely) breasts got in the way of Cozby and his game. A month and a half later, he eagerly sat in on a conversation Trill and I were having about the latest trends in the game - and was totally blown away. In the month he was gone, Trill and I had developed working strategies for every map, described best teleporter placements, rocket jumping techniques, medic uber-building theories, depreciation of the scout class, the complexities of friendly-fire introduction, Angelina Jolie's fat lips, and 2girls1cup.com.

He was floored - literally speechless, as he felt he had nothing to contribute to the conversation. He was definitely excited to play with us again, as we expressed a need for coordinated teammates, but he also felt that he wouldn't be able to contribue at the skill level we described.

I don't have much of a point, aside from the fact that TF2 has evolved at a surprising rate, and it may become increasingly difficult for new blood to get into this fantastic team-based shooter. But I supposed that's the case with any online game; strategies evolve as skill levels progress- I wonder how long it will take for things to come full circle, where heavy-medics are as common as the zergling rush...

cot damn Valve Store is fast

2007-11-30T18:11:00.000-05:00

After a week of absolute horse shit at work, I came home to find a parcel sitting in my foyer. It turns out the package I had ordered from the Valve Store had arrived a day after shipping. They claim it was priority mailed - my belief is that Gordon Freeman used his gravity gun to propel the parcel through a series of portals that gathered velocity until it reached my doorstep. That, or a scout delivered it.

I am such a fucking nerd.

So I overwrote my Assassin's Creed save file, and ...

2007-11-27T22:30:00.000-05:00

... I must say - I'm much more disappointed than I thought I'd be.

Assassin's Creed had really underwhelmed me when I originally put it in my 360. To give an (in)appropriate analogy, it was like going to dinner with Jade Raymond - only to find out she was an absolute airhead (she obviously isn't, so please don't take any offense Jade, by the way, I'm still free Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays :P).

Like Jade Raymond, the game is undeniable pretty. However, that's where the similarities end. My observation is that the animations are fluid to the point that they feign a viewer into believing that there is more control over the character than there actually is.

Does that make sense?

Altair, the game's protagonist, is so well-animated that you think he can do anything. And in terms of maneuverability, he practically can. In free-running mode, Altair can sprint, climb, and scurry over, under, and around the game's cityscapes. In this regard, the level of freedom is very true to the game's animation quality.

However, I found everything outside of the movement system to be very limited in choice and variety.

The game's crowd-blending system was horribly basic. You were either undercover, or fully exposed. Whenever I roamed the city streets in any village or city, I found myself to be the center of attention. That is, until I lowered my head and clasped my hands together, indicating that I was blended in with the crowds. What's most puzzling, this mechanic worked everywhere in the game. "Hey look at that guy on the roof!!! He must be up to no good! Oh wait, his hands are clasped together, he's harmless." was essentially the guards' mentality when it came to a hooded stranger on the roofs of their city.

Pickpocketing, eavesdropping, and citizen-rescuing were dryly shoe-horned into the game as side quests to help add some depth to the game world. However, there wasn't enough variety to keep these ways of the assassin up to par with the free-running portion. Eavesdropping can only be done by sitting on a designated bench, successful pickpocketing attempts seems to be arbitrary, and I felt absolutely no reward for saving citizens, save for the fact I was able to kill a few guards in the process. There is just so much that needs refining.

Anyway - I've thought much too hard about this. The bottom-line is, despite all of the games faults, I can't help but want to play this game. Ubisoft Montreal did a phenomenal job with their free-running engine, and that's enough to rope me into playing. But it seems certain that Assassin's Creed has definitely fallen off this year's list of Game of the Year contenders. I have a list of things that could definitely improve the game. Call me Jade!

When Crytek does the math, does 9 equal 10 ?

2007-11-25T16:44:00.001-05:00

After making the appropriate changes to my Crysis config files, I'm happy to report that I'm gaming in near DX10 splendor. Mind you, I have no idea what DX10 splendor actually looks or feels like, since I'm gaming on Windows XP, but I DO have god-lighting (visible rays of light that beam through openings such as trees or windows), a feature originally thought to be available exclusively through DX10 drivers.

I will admit that the graphical additions, beautiful as they are, do hinder performance noticeably. My current rig is an Intel Q6600, 2 gigs of Crucial Ram, BFG 8800 GTS 640 MB - which easily played Crysis at 1280 x 1024 w/ 4x AA and every feature set to high. After the modification, I had to grudgingly turn my anti-aliasing down to 2x. But I still have god-lighting and shiny rocks.

So what does this little achievement mean to the every-gamer? Is there a workaround for all DX10 capable games? And if that is indeed the case, can one justify the hassle of installing Windows Vista if XP can produce similar, if not identical, visual quality?

Now that we know that all of this is possible, can we hope to see more tweaks like this? Let's hope so; the more gamers that see the (god) light, the better.